- Buy a pair of men's used work boots. size 14-16.
- Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.
- Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
- Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim -
"I'm gone for more shotgun and .45 ammo. Be back soon.
Don't be messin' with the pit bulls -- they attacked that darn mailman again this mornin' and went and messed him up real bad.
I don't think Mauler took part in it all but it was hard to tell from all the blood. I think it was Blade and Killer who done most of it.
Anyways, all six of 'em is locked up in the house.
Better wait outside 'till I git back"