Obama Facebook Joke

An elderly lady was walking on the golf course on the island of Martha's Vinyard. She slipped and fell. Obama who was behind her by chance, helped her to get up promptly. She thanked him and he answered, "It was a pleasure to help you. Don't you recognize me? I am your president. Are you going to vote for me in the next election?" The elderly woman laughed and replied: " you know..I fell on my ass...not on my head!"

Butt As Big As A BBQ Grill

A couple in the backyard…. The wife bends over to pick something up...Her husband looking at her behind says: 'wow, your ass is bigger than the bbq!' She gets upset and says; 'no, it's not.' A bit arguing and he gets a tape measure. He measures the bbq and her butt and...Sure enough, her but is bigger than the bbq. Silently she disappears into the house...that night - both in bed - he moves toward her and wants to have some fun. She says, “Do you think I’m going to fire up that big bbq for one little wiener???'

Brother Sister Funny Facebook Joke

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this." William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister." His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

Redneck Facebook Joke

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. Furious with the man the redneck screams out "Look, I want my money. If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

Teacher Funny Facebook Joke

Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall. The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"

Facebook Bus Driver Joke

Facebook Funny Joke: As you know some of us have had brushes with "authorities" on our way home from late night "social sessions". A couple of notes ago I was out with some friends having a few drinks and lets just say I may have had a few too many. Knowing that I was "slightly " over the limit, I did something I had never done before; I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police roadblock, but as it was, they waved it past. So I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, because I have never driven a bus before and I am not sure where I got it! This was a Facebook status that I have seen copied around on Facebook statuses!!!